After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I will live to be 80?”

He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?”

“Oh no,” I replied. “I don’t do drugs, either.”

“Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?”

I said, “No, I usually stay home and keep to myself.”

“Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”

I said, “No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”

“No, I don’t,” I said.

“Do you gamble, or have a lot of sex?”

“No,” I said. “I don’t do any of those things.”

He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a shit?”