The Tears of Brize

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir!!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely……

“A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – back?”

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don’t do anything at all

Ask Alice

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.” “Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?” “Yes.”

“May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked,

“May I speak with the policeman?” “No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,”came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked,

“What is that noise?” “A helicopter” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the Helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: “ME.”